


Joker's a Bad Butler

by Nebou



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: F/M, M/M, Oral, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, also did not specify who kamui s supported, decided not to specify kamui's gender so eh, post the revelations route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 03:00:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7959832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebou/pseuds/Nebou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>joker loves kamui and kamui is unfamiliar with consequences</p>
            </blockquote>





	Joker's a Bad Butler

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i wanted to write sad joker

Joker struggled to keep up with Kamui's pace but didn't say anything, instead opting to keep his mouth in a thin frown. His hair was damp with sweat from the clinging heat and constant march. Joker doubted they would find any lingering Hydra fanatics out here, though if he heard any of the accompanying scouts mention that, he would've made sure to cut their tongues out for insulting Kamui's pride. A mosquito buzzed too close to Kamui and Joker swatted it away with the armored back of his hand, as he had grown used to over the past couple of weeks away from the Capital.

His clothes scraped and clung to his sweaty skin, no doubt red with irritation and heat. Joker was struck with the image of Kamui a few nights ago, their own skin red and sweaty, but for much different reasons. Their hair clinging to the thin skin on their forehead, wet and matted as Kamui's hands rubbed what could only be their arousal-

Joker mentally slapped himself for remembering his liege like that, as he had many times since the incident a few days ago. Of course he hadn't meant to stumble in upon that display, but he had assumed the groans he heard coming from Kamui's tent were of distress, rather than wanton moans as they desperately tried to get off in the dark hours of the morning. He had been able to make it back of the tent unseen, but his erection persisted him long thereafter, and only the threat of others seeing him in such a state discouraged it.

Despite his best efforts, Joker could tell Kamui was getting antsy. When they were marching towards the Bottomless Valley, Kamui had his most trusted of allies to accompany them. Now it was just Joker and a dozen or so nameless scouts to humor Kamui, and Joker knew he wasn't much for company. He used to be enough, back when Kamui was starry-eyed at the tales of heroes and Gunther and King Garon, when Kamui was amused and forgiving of Joker's attempts at butlery. Nowadays he could tell Kamui wished for a different sort of companionship, a type Joker could not give as a butler, a type Kamui had accepted in the form of a ring and vow with someone Joker could not for the life of him fathom how Kamui could like.

Kamui loved that person, and Joker hated them for that.

It was for that reason that Joker could not completely despise this mission, because it meant that that person was far away from Kamui, and Kamui in turn left in Joker's reliable hands. Behind him, he heard a scout groan.

"How much longer are we gonna be out here," said the one who groaned, Joker presumed. "I've got mud and water in my boots and we haven't seen any fanatics in days."

A gruffer voice answer "shut yer trap, you're still just mad 'bout the snake sneaking in yer boot yesterday."

"It could've been poisonous," the former retorted.

"Well yer not dead."

"I could've-"

Joker cut them off. "Enough." Turning, he glared at the scouts. Joker couldn't be bothered to find out which two had been talking, so he instead directed his anger to the group as a whole. "It doesn't matter whether or not there's poisonous snakes in whomever’s boot, we heard there were rumored fanatics out here, so we're going to take care of them! If you want to go home now, I'll be fine with cutting you down for treason. Now stop your jabbering and get moving." It seemed to do the trick with most of them, turning their heads downward and the air quickly sobering, but a scout near the front of the formation spoke up.

"And how are you going to do that when all us scouts are poisoned or dead, huh?" The lanky scout had pushed the older man in front of him to the side and was now openly glaring at Joker.

Joker reached for the dagger at his belt, intent on teaching a lesson of respect. "Why you-"

Suddenly, Joker felt Kamui's hard grip on his arm, yanking it away from his dagger and forcing his arm into an uncomfortable position. Kamui's gaze lingered on Joker, annoyance displayed openly on their face, before turning to face the rest of the scouts, including the lanky one who had gone pale faced before the dragon-blooded royalty.

"Knock it off. We heard from a reliable source that there were followers of Hydra lingering in these marshes, so we're going to find them and deal with them before heading back to the Capital. If I hear another one of you speak up, you can find your way back on you own with no one to treat any wounds random snakes may inflict on you." Kamui shoved Joker's arm back at him, making him falter a bit in the wet marsh before regaining his balance. Kamui turned and marched forward at the brisk pace they had set before.

The rest of the scouts resumed on trudging after Kamui. Joker lost track of where the lanky one had gone. His shoulder aches and he felt as if there was a crevasse between Kamui and him, that was being deepened and widened with each day and he had only just noticed. He tentatively rubbed his sore shoulder before hurrying after Kamui, somehow managing a “yes, Master Kamui” while focusing on not thinking about starry-eyed royalty and a certain person Kamui loved.

Joker only thought about the aching in his chest and how he wished it would go away.

 

-

 

Later that day, while Joker and the scouts were setting up the tents for the night, Kamui confronted Joker.

"Can we talk?" Since their outburst earlier, Joker felt like he was treading on ice. He knew what it felt like to have Kamui frustrated with him, gods only knew how many times he had to restrain a younger Kamui from doing something that would likely end up with them having a broken leg or a stomach ache. Yet it was not frustration he had seen in Kamui earlier, it was annoyance. He should have known better than to lash out at the scouts earlier. Kamui always hated it when he didn't extend the same degree of kindness and consideration he had for them to the others in the army, and what with the amount of pressure on Kamui right now(the broken empire they now had to fix, the disbelieving citizens, the army that was so small their Ruler had to go out on missions and leave Azura to take care of politics) he was a fool to have tested their patience.

Joker smiled and inclined his head slightly, willing his trepidation out of his throat. "Of course, Master Kamui, " he said, following after Kamui when they gestured to their tent.

Once inside, Kamui flopped onto their cot, letting out a huff. Joker waited politely just inside the tent flap. "I wanted to apologize for earlier-"

Joker quickly brushed off their apology. "There is no need, Master-"

"Just let me finish!" The icy feeling in Joker's chest instantly returned at Kamui’s tone. He held his breath as Kamui continued in an exasperated tone. "Look, I just want to apologize for earlier. I didn't mean to get angry with you," Kamui looked away from Joker, turning their gaze to their sword and rubbing their thumb along the hilt. "I've been very stressed lately. I appreciate all your help, you did not have to come all the way out here with me, but you did. So it was wrong to take my frustration out on you."

Joker breathed in shakily through his nose. He would never for the life of him understand why Kamui always thought it was their fault when Joker had been the one acting without tact, though, it never ceased to soften his heart when they put the effort in for him. He cleared his throat. "You need not worry, Master Kamui. It is because of you that I am even able to live this life. You know I would do anything for you," he said softly. Kamui smiled at his response and his heart ached. Once again he thought of a type of companionship he could not give Kamui.

They stood up, walking over to him before resting their palm on his shoulder. Kamui was close enough to him that his chest ached.

"You're too hard on yourself, Joker," they chuckled. Kamui opened their mouth as if they were going to add something, but stopped, taking a step back and returning their hand to the hilt of their sword, leaving a cold presence where it had rested on Joker's vest. "It's just been so hard being away from the Capital. I can only imagine how Azura's handling." They didn't mention that person. Joker sometimes wondered if they could tell that he didn't like them, and therefore avoided mentioning them when it was just the two of them.

"I'm sure she's fine, Lady Azura can take care of herself just fine."

Kamui smiled but it didn't quite reach their eyes, and he knew those weren't the words they were looking for.

"If there is anything I can help you with," Joker continued, "please let me know. I will strive for your utmost comfort."

Kamui gave him an odd look then, before averting their gaze and rubbing their neck. "You know, it has been quite some time since," they gestured their hand in the air vaguely. It didn't register with Joker what they meant until Kamui continued with "all that pent up sexual frustration isn't doing me well either."

Joker stalled. Kamui and him had never really brought up sexual or even romantic inclinations with one another. Though they had known eachother since early childhood, there was always an unspoken line between them that neither had crossed. Hell, the only notification he had gotten that Kamui thought of anyone that way was when Felicia had gushed to him about the 'good news'. Kamui was engaged, and had never spoken a word about it to him. Joker never felt entitled to Kamui's time, but that had been a blow. That was back when he had just realized the depth of his feelings for Kamui, debating whether or not to resign or continue on like those feelings hadn't existed. He had thought, at that point, maybe he would see Kamui and that person together and accept it, and his heated feelings would quickly fade back to polite servitude.

He kept holding out hope that if he just waited a little longer, they eventually would. But every now and then, when he thought he was in the clear, Kamui would do something that made him think that maybe they could come to think of Joker the same way, and he’d fall right back into the cycle. 

"I... don't know how to fix that, Master Kamui," his voice didn't sound like his own.

Kamui's face went blank before they slipped into a nervous sort of chuckle. "I'm not asking you to- to help with that. Joker?"

He should stop there. "Do you want me to?"

He was never a good butler.

The tents only source of light was a single candle Kamui had presumably lit earlier, casting odd shadows on Kamui's face. Joker could barely breath. This was a mistake, he should resign here and now and preserve some sense of dignity. Kamui leaned forward a bit.

"Do you want to?"

Kamui hands reached towards his waist before gently gripping his sides, sending a shiver up his spine. To know that Kamui was willingly touching his body in this context was... different. Shameful, on his part, but exhilarating. Pulling him closer to themselves, they backed up towards the cot set up at the side of the room. Letting go of his waist, Kamui grabbed his hands and placed them on their hip, just above the belt. Joker felt like he was in a trance, not quite believing in the circumstances while also daring to hope this wasn't some sort of cruel joke. Still pulling Joker forward, Kamui sat on the cot before tugging Joker down onto his knees.

"I'm kind of relieved, I thought I would have to go this whole trip without any relief," Kamui lamented gesturing towards their pants. Joker made short work of them, pulling the belt down and letting Kamui's sword lean against a nearby chest. Kamui had already taken off the majority of their armor earlier, leaving only their shin and chest guard on.

Joker could only nod in silent affirmation, heat collected along the back of his neck and across the bridge of his nose, to say he was light headed was an understatement. He wondered if this was indeed just that, 'relief', or if Kamui had thought about this beforehand. Had Kamui thought these sort of impure thoughts of Joker before? The implication burned in the back of his mind, clouding his thoughts. Unbidden, his own erection showed through the black cloth of his trousers, and he was suddenly very glad that Kamui could not see it from their angle. The thought of Kamui seeing them is this state was horrifying enough.

Resting his hands on Kamui's heated thighs, he looked up, checking Kamui's reaction, slightly encouraged to see their own blush dusting their cheeks. Joker couldn't believe this was happening, he usually had the constitution to avoid thinking of Kamui in this way, but on more than one occasion he had woken up to a wetness while the after image of Kamui sprawled out for him faded from him. It was those mornings where he didn't mind waking up for the day, sobered by the disgust that bubbles up at the thought of his unworthy body coming into contact with his master’s. He had been confident, then, that he would never soil his master's body with his own. Now, he quieted that same voice by telling himself that this is what Kamui wanted; that this was something akin to an order for him to rightfully obey. Another part of him wished that this wasn't just an order, that Kamui had longed for this sort of intimacy between them, too.

After Kamui bumped his face with the inside of their bare knee, hinting for him to hurry up, he peeled back the thin fabric of their smalls to reveal their arousal, pink and slightly damp in the cold air of the tent. Leaning forward, Joker gently licked at the sensitive skin, drawing out a light moan from Kamui. Encouraged, Joker continued, letting the responsiveness of his master guide him. After a while, Kamui adjusted their hips, resting their hand on the back of Joker's head, making his heart sing. Opening his eyes(when had they closed?) he observed that Kamui had let their head fall back, as if looking at the ceiling. Somehow it bothered him. 

Joker was now painfully hard, his dick pressing against the unforgiving fabric of his trousers. He briefly entertained relieving the pressure, but the thought of touching himself instead of Kamui wasn't something he was interested in. Instead, he gently held Kamui's thighs farther apart, making more room for himself. Kamui gripped at his white hair, pulling some loose from the bow that held it back.

"I'm almost," was all the warning he got before Kamui tugged Joker's face against their arousal, their hips jerking, hand pulling his hair away from his scalp as they came. When they were done, their hand loosened, and Joker drew a handkerchief from his breast pocket, wiping away the fluids he felt coating his heated face. To know that he had brought Kamui to completion was almost too much, and he felt faint. 

Joker was still painfully aroused, but knowing that he had given Kamui that relief that they sought made his chest light like it hadn't been in a very long time. His head felt very dizzy.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't realize," Kamui started. Joker came back to, and followed Kamui's gaze to his erection which still pressed against the black fabric of his trousers.

"No- I- It's fine, Master Kamui" he tried, but Kamui pulled their smalls and pants back on and gestured for Joker to sit on the cot.

Kamui smiled, "I'm returning the favor." Grabbing his hand, Kamui pulled him towards the cot. Joker could almost pretend that this was something they had done before, like they were a couple and getting eachother off was just something they did for one another.

Half tumbling into the cot, Kamui jerked his pants down, roughly grabbing at his dick before Joker could even catch his breath. Their strokes were awkward, but Joker had to restrain himself from coming right then and making a fool of himself. Joker burned the image into his mind, Kamui's calloused hand rubbing at his sensitive skin, hair slightly matted to their forehead with sweat, their kind eyes downcast and a blush leftover from their own pleasure. For a moment, Joker could forget that their spouse  was likely waiting for them to get back; that Kamui was only returning a favor. He could indulge in the thought that Kamui was doing this because they loved him and that's what lovers do.

"I love you."

Very suddenly, Kamui stopped, red eyes looking at him in shock. Joker remembered then that Kamui did have a spouse waiting for them to get back. "What."

Kamui began to backtrack, "Joker, I didn't know you felt that way, I-" They were practically scrambling out of the cot. This was a mistake. Joker was supposed to only be Kamui's butler, and he remembered that too late. "I think we should stop."

Ice filled his chest, the shift in the atmosphere was almost dizzying. The candle was flickering and would have to be replaced soon. Horror washed over Joker as he realized what had just transpired. He and Kamui would never be lovers: because Kamui already had a lover and Joker was their butler and only that. Joker could never be loved by kamui, they could never be lovers, and Joker should never have fallen in love with Kamui. He felt like he was going to throw up.

"Forgive me, Master Kamui, you don't have to respond to that." This was his fault, he let his feelings take control and it backfired. Kamui- Gods what must Kamui think? Would his precious Kamui understand and let him serve anyway? Or would this finally be the last straw, the last mistake he made as a butler for the only person he had grown to truly care for in this world. "I'll see myself out." Kamui didn't respond and he quickly composed himself, his dick thankfully flaccid at this point. When he finally looked. Kamui was turned away, arms folded, avoiding Joker's gaze. Joker swallowed before exiting through the tent flap as quietly as he could.

The cold night air washed over him, his cheeks still heated with shame and embarrassment. Joker felt tears prickling at the corner of his eyes and tried to wipe them before they could fall, but they fell anyway. He supposed he should prepare the camp for moving out tomorrow, but he didn't feel like it. He considered heading for his tent, which was conveniently located right by Kamui's, but he didn't want Kamui to hear him cry through the thin tent coverings. With no other alternative, he went about preparing the camp for tomorrow.

 

-

  
He had decided, after a while, that once they made it back to the capital, he was going to resign as a butler.

**Author's Note:**

> poor joker


End file.
